Saturday 31 August 2013

Woe is not me

I had a coffee with a very good friend today who is going through some of her own issues. Someone said to her recently "when are you going to stop playing the victim?".  This really struck a chord with me and got the old brain working. 

Lately it has all been about me - I'm so tired, I'm so stressed, I'm so unhealthy etc etc. Why is it all about me at the moment? Some may say "it's my turn to look after me" but what good is going into my own shell going to do to help anyone or anything? Yes I'm struggling but I'm telling people. I'm not the only one who is having a hard time, what can I do for the others?? Lead and show its ok to say I'm not coping but I'm still here for you. They may end up saying the same thing back to you. Therefore working together for the greater good. I'm going to adjust a saying: there is no "I" in teamwork, but there is a "we". 

Thursday 29 August 2013

The Grateful Alive

I am so appreciative to the lovely souls who have liked/shared/commented or follow my blog. This has really boosted my confidence and helped me realise that what I am doing is the right thing. 

It was a huge step for me and you should be proud of yourself that you are willing to support/acknowledge that people do have tough times. Happy Friday all and thank you for kindness and understanding xo

Wednesday 28 August 2013

The Five Step Journey

Yesterday I received a beautiful set of handmade personalised affirmation cards from my friend Michelle at @gentlewarriors.com.au. 

I thought I would share each of them with you as I take the five step journey that she has intuitively laid out for me. 

Step 1 - Peace

"Breathe... And breathe again, deeply, and often. Everything is flowing as it's meant to be, smoothly and effortlessly. All is in perfect harmony." - Soul Coaching Oracle Cards Guidebook by Denise Linn

Today is all about finding my peace. It is playing with my kids outside. Shutting my eyes for 5 mins on the couch while they have their lunch. Turning off the TV and just listening to the sounds of my neighbourhood - the birds, the postman doing his run, my son playing with his trains, my dog chewing her favourite toy. Ahhh peace I do love you!

 

Tuesday 27 August 2013

An ahhh moment..

In the last couple of weeks I have had several emails, phone calls and text messages from different people. Each of these souls have said the most beautiful things about our friendship. Some of them I would consider very good friends, and others I don't know as well. Without realizing it I have connected with them by being my authentic self. This has come back to assist me when I need it the most. These people have seen my pain, truth, heart and inner child. And they love me for it. How sacred is that?! 

My lesson today, when you are feeling lost in life, these people will help you find the soul they have known is there. Treasure these folks as much as they treasure you xoxo

Friday 23 August 2013

Who you gonna call?

Today I'm feeling sorry for myself. Do ever feel like you have so many friends yet feel alone? I have many people I can call to lighten my mood but a) I just don't have it in me and b) I don't want to worry/bother them with my problems. My self esteem is so low at the moment I feel I really don't have much to add to a conversation.

A little voice in my head tells me to get over it. Just on the way home on the radio I was listening to the news about a couple killed in their home and kids with cancer. How do I get the perspective I need??? Get out of my head and into reality with people who, when I eventually call them, will help me realise why they are my friend - even if it has been a while. We don't have to talk about my woes, they may actually have things about their lives to tell me - new babies, promotions, even a good book they read! Simple but warm conversations. Who AM I gonna call?? There are many possibilities, thanks for allowing me to "talk" it out!!

Tuesday 20 August 2013

Check your Mirrors and Sound the Horn

Yesterday was a day where I struggled. There didn't appear to be any reason why I was feeling down, and because of this blog I actually sat down and tried to figure it out (yay me!).


Check your mirrors - I realised I had been around some very negative people and this seems to affect me a lot. They got me on a weak day where I wasn't the positive and full of life gal I try to be. That was my first realisation. Although it is sometimes hard to remove yourself from these kind of people (co-workers down to shopkeepers), you can make a conscious effort to either not get involved in their negativity by not commenting or spin it into a positive. There are two ways they will react to this - not be negative with you anymore as they can't "feed" off you or become a bit more positive themselves! Either way it's a win-win for you.  Try and surround yourself with as much positivity as you can handle (people, books, music, good food - whatever makes you joyful!).

I also didn't listen to my daily podcast on the way to work, which generally gets me into a good frame of mind. I have been enjoying
David Wood from The Kickass Life and Dean Dwyer of Make Shift Happen. Both are run by no BS men who have such an honest and fun outlook on life, just what I need!

The other thing I did was give my hubby a warning before I got home. I sent him a text saying I am hoping to lift my mood before I get there (listening to music, changing my thoughts, breathing etc). It didn't happen but I got home to an understanding man who was ready to take the reins. Previously I would have just snapped at him and left him wondering what he had done wrong.  

Sound the horn - I must admit it took a lot of courage to open up to my hubby and tell him what is going on in my head and sometimes there is no specific reason for it. I have done this with him and some close friends and family, so I have a bit of a support network.  This support may be in the form of a listening ear or someone to jump in and fold your washing!
 

Some friends didn't know how to take my depression and have taken a back seat.  I am now ok with that (of course I was hurt at first). Most people don't know how to deal with depression, but if you have it in you to look further into how you can help there is a multitude of resources such as Beyond BlueLifeline or PANDA for post and antenatal depression (these are based in Australia).

If you are someone who is reading this and dealing with depression (or even think you might be), then these places can really help.

A big thing I learned yesterday is give yourself a break and don't beat yourself up if you are feeling that way. I gave lots of cuddles to my little girl, I ate a lovely dinner and hugged my husband for the rest of the night.  Quite blissful now I look back on it.  CUCO - Chin Up Chest Out!


Sunday 18 August 2013

Getting over the Overwhelm

One emotion I experience a lot is overwhelm - the shortness of breath, the feeling that everything is flying at you too fast, not enough hours in the day, everybody wants a piece of you and there is no time left for you.  Sounds pretty normal for a lot of people when I say it like that!

The first thing I need to remind myself to do is Take a Deep Breath (or as many as I need), there are breathing techniques you can learn to cope with things such as panic attacks.  The technique I was taught is as follows:

  • Take a deep breath in, hold it for 5 seconds
  • Breathe out and then hold that for 5 seconds
  • Breathe in and hold it for 3 seconds
  • Breathe out and hold it for 3 seconds
  • then repeat the last 2 steps 10 times (total)
  • finish off with holding it for 5 seconds
This was taught to me by a Doctor when I was experiencing panic attacks and it worked really well for me (distracting me from the issue at hand).  I showed a few different people in my circle of friends who I spent a lot of time with, in case I had a panic attack and couldn't remember the steps. 

The next thing for me would be to Get OrganisedI previously did up a family planner which I will go home tonight and fill out.  I did up a table and then laminated it so I can write on it each week and stick it on the fridge, the columns would be:

Across the top - the days of the week

Down the side are:

Me - including exercise time, time for me (yes I plan to get at least 1 hour a week!), appointments and social plans

Hubby - similar to mine

Kids (listed separately) - day-care days, appointments, nights away

Meals - dinner each night

Notes - necessary things to be done each day (feed animals, perhaps one cleaning job a day)


Lastly if it is all too much for me in a day, I ask myself "If I don't do this will it be detrimental to me or my family??".  An example of this is cleaning - things such as tidying and making beds, if I don't do them one day and give myself a little break to prioritise other things, it is not going to affect me or anyone else is a serious manner.  Sometimes I need to chill out and not sweat the small stuff (my hubby is better at pointing these things out to me!).

This has been a good little reminder for me today, I hope it works for you too!

Elly







What's it all about?


So here it is, my first EVER blog post!

Why the name “Hug the Black Dog”?? A couple reasons:

-          My plan is for this blog is to be about embracing depression – hence hugging the Black Dog.  Having a “Black Dog on your back” is a reference to depression which Winston Churchill once famously quoted.  He spoke of the menacing, growling beast that waits in the shadows and can strike at any second.  My take is instead of fearing that dog; you give it a pat, some kind words or even a treat!

-          I also own a black dog and she is the loveliest, happiest and most beautiful dog I know, she represents the opposite of what a “Black Dog” should be. 

I have just this week decided that instead of being the strong one, playing the martyr and ignoring my own needs, I will honour my depression, with which I have dealt with for years (I prefer not to use the word struggle).  I plan to blog about the range of moods I experience and may learn for me (and others if it happens that way) – why they happen, what I can do when they occur, what the world can offer when I am not coping, what I can share with the world when I have my good moments (and there are plenty of them!).

This is something I am initially doing for me but I decided on a blog as it makes me accountable and if someone can get a little bit of respite from something I have said, or know they are not alone in this world, then that is enough for me J

My personal feeling is that depression is not discussed enough and especially in my culture it is brushed under the rug.  Why not embrace it and be in touch with the REAL you?  I think I may end up realising I like the real me and the friends that decide to stick around in the process.

I don’t know how often I will post here; it’s a trial and error thing.  I haven’t put my real name as I will be talking about family etc and they deserve privacy (it’s a good place for my hubby to come check up on me too!).  So if you have read this, thank you, welcome and please share the real you with me!  Elly J