I am currently quite healthy, lead a wonderful life, have a great support network, and generally have a lot of reasons to be happy. I have had a few speed bumps that seem to have set me back - a job change and a realisation that I may not be having any more kids.
What many people don't realise is that depression can be a chemical imbalance in your brain, so telling someone with depression to "just think happy thoughts" isn't going to cut it. I have been even telling myself this lately and getting more frustrated while doing so.
When I have these thoughts I have started coming up with 3 gratitudes each time. The other night I may have possibly thought of about 84 gratitudes - a lot weren't massive but they had to be positive. It's a temporary measure but it gets me out of that head space, even for a bit.
I realised that my exercise has depleted lately and endorphins do great things for me, and everyone else!
This week I have vowed to do the following to get back on track:
- talk to loved ones about it (hubby and mum ticked off list)
- go VERY gently on myself - early nights (but not tonnes of sleeping like I want to)
- exercise each day even in small amounts
- eat well and drinks lots of herbal tea instead of caffeine for the quick buzz
- prioritise what really needs to be done this week - so don't sweat the piles of washing to be folded
- surround myself in aesthetically pleasing items - pictures of Greece, bright clothes, lovely smells, good music
- ask for lots of hugs from my kids (they already seem to be giving me lots, they seem to just "know")
I also vow that if I am not back on track that I will go and see a professional. I don't know why I see doing such things as a step back for me, I know they are not. It's that "imposter" in my head fighting me and keep me in my comfort zone. Although I am not at all comfortable where I am right now.
This blog is so therapeutic for me, its making me accountable but at the same time releasing what's in my head and giving me some structure in my current mess of a head.
I will beat this, not alone, but I will....
