The dog attack

I'm devastated to share that the black dog ripped apart one of my friends this week. I have never experienced this and don't know where to start...

I'm gutted I had no idea what he was going through, no one did. It seems to be a common observation.

I'm wishing I could have done something to prevent it/help him, like so many loved ones left behind.

I'm trying to get my head around what he must have been going through and stop being so visual about what the poor soul suffered.

I'm crying so often that I wonder how the tears keep coming.

I reach out to so many loved ones and remind them how much I do love them. Telling them so often that I feel they are getting shitty with me.

I hug my kids tighter. 

I talk to friends about how sad it is that depression still has such a stigma attached to it in Australia. We share our stories of how it has affected us, realising that we are not alone in our battle.

I contemplate posting on FB about my depression and wonder what the point would be. All my friends know. But this one must not have. Or it didn't cross his mind to reach out. Or was he like so many and didn't want to "inconvenience others".

What the fuck. Why does this have to happen to anyone? What am I going to do about this in future?

Keep talking. Keep offering support. Keep in touch. Keep making time. Keep an eye out. Keep listening to my intuition. Keep saying I love you. 

I love you, Chris. I'm sorry I didn't get to tell you for so long. I'm grateful for what you brought to this world. I hope you're at peace and know how much you're loved and missed xoxox 

Let's get the discussion out there more

As a form of therapy for myself, I have now started a Hug The Black Dog Facebook page.

You can find it here:

https://www.facebook.com/hugtheblackdog/

I'm going to be sharing some great articles, pics and stories of life.  Keeping the subject of depression and anxiety alive and well (pun intended).

I have asked a friend to collaborate with me too and use it as her therapy.  Please feel free to use it as yours too and share it with your friends so we can all be in this together. xo

The 'function' of friends

I have been experiencing a tough time in my life at the moment. During this time I have found myself saying "you soon find out who your friends are".  What gives me that right to pass judgment on them on how best I feel they should be supporting me?!

If you're as lucky as me, you will realise you have lots of friends who all have different purposes in your life, and you in theirs. 

There's the one who will give you a few drinks, and make you laugh so hard you will squirt it out of your nose. The one who will ask you to go to the movies and take your mind off things. The one who will send your articles you might find useful. The one who might send you a care package. The one who checks in on you most days. The one who invites you to events or their place to hang. The one who you may not speak to for a year and it's just like old times when you finally do. The one who may be awkward around "feelings" but will be a hell of a good time on the dance floor. 

There's the quote that only a true friend hears you when you're quiet. I don't believe that. We all have our own stuff going on and everthing's not always about us (shock horror!) Maybe a true friend is one who steps up when you speak out. Perhaps we should start speaking up more and not expecting friends to be mind readers...

If you have one friend, and they are the kind of person who does like feelings, tell them how lucky you are to have them! Or just buy them dinner or make em feel special. 

If the black dog has bitten you harder than you would like and you feel you are completely lonely in this world, then please try and speak up or be a friend to yourself. I've had those days and I need to remind myself to just make that day about me. It's not selfish, it's life-giving. Anyway, I digress (but felt that needed to be said). 

So let's not categorise our friends, and let them know when and how we may need them. But also tell them that it's ok if they can't give us what we want. Feel the fear... And speak up anyway. 

Big love to you 🌻🌻🌻

The dog is biting my ankles

Today, that little black dog is angrily snapping at my ankles. I'm going through a painfully sad time at the moment and she knows it.

She is trying to find every reason to bring me down, make me resort to excess alcoholism or cigarette smoking (I admit there have been a few - I'm human!), she reads into everything that is being said to me and tries to mangle into her negativity.

I'm sorry (not sorry), pup, but this time you are not bringing me down to your level. Yes there will be tears, but they don't last long. I have way too much in my beautiful life to smile about. And in those moments I don't feel I do, the universe sends me a multitude of people who show they give a shit about me. It took me a while to realise I need to ask the universe to send them my way, instead of staying in my shell. This tango. It's everlasting. Sometimes it's so much fun. Other times, I'm bloody exhausted while napping and drooling on the train (sorry to all the people who have sat next to me). 

We will get thru this, pup. We will show the people who are hurting and hurting us that we love them in the best way we can. In the meantime, let's be gentle and hug it out 😘

Breathe and keep the faith

Some days are just about breathing and having a little faith that things will work out for you. The universe is making sure of that. You are loved 😘

You are not depressed

Thank you @PrinceEa for your wise, heartfelt and true words. The "only" thing you are is you, the beautiful, individual, uniquely gorgeous, YOU. 😘🙌🏻👊🏻

https://www.facebook.com/PrinceEa/videos/10154694406919769/

Kudos to celebs for using their status for good causes

In an essay recently, Kristen Bell shared how having anxiety/depression is not just about "having a bad day or needing a hug". But a feeling of being worthless. Her description is spot on and I commend her for speaking up and reminding people that talking to your Doctor about depression or anxiety should be just as easy as talking to them about having the sniffles. Thank you, Kristen, after this, your sloth-experience and role as Ana, you have moved up in my list of awesome individuals even more!! 👊🏻

Here's the link to the article:

http://qklnk.co/870eEj

 (Pic courtesy of shutterstock)