Waiting for the Weight to Lift

In the last few weeks I have been hit (really no other word for it) with depressive thoughts.

I am currently quite healthy, lead a wonderful life, have a great support network, and generally have a  lot of reasons to be happy.  I have had a few speed bumps that seem to have set me back - a job change and a realisation that I may not be having any more kids.

What many people don't realise is that depression can be a chemical imbalance in your brain, so telling someone with depression to "just think happy thoughts" isn't going to cut it.  I have been even telling myself this lately and getting more frustrated while doing so.

When I have these thoughts I have started coming up with 3 gratitudes each time.  The other night I may have possibly thought of about 84 gratitudes - a lot weren't massive but they had to be positive. It's a temporary measure but it gets me out of that head space, even for a bit.

I realised that my exercise has depleted lately and endorphins do great things for me, and everyone else!

This week I have vowed to do the following to get back on track:

- talk to loved ones about it (hubby and mum ticked off list)
- go VERY gently on myself - early nights (but not tonnes of sleeping like I want to)
- exercise each day even in small amounts
- eat well and drinks lots of herbal tea instead of caffeine for the quick buzz
- prioritise what really needs to be done this week - so don't sweat the piles of washing to be folded
- surround myself in aesthetically pleasing items - pictures of Greece, bright clothes, lovely smells,  good music
- ask for lots of hugs from my kids (they already seem to be giving me lots, they seem to just "know")

I also vow that if I am not back on track that I will go and see a professional.  I don't know why I see doing such things as a step back for me, I know they are not.  It's that "imposter" in my head fighting me and keep me in my comfort zone. Although I am not at all comfortable where I am right now.

This blog is so therapeutic for me, its making me accountable but at the same time releasing what's in my head and giving me some structure in my current mess of a head.

I will beat this, not alone, but I will....

Everything has a crack in it, that's how the light gets in

Recently a friend of mine put up this beautiful picture on Facebook.  She said that she had dreamt it and just had to paint it and get it out of her system.  I have included the image in this post.  You will see on the left hand side are all dark feelings that she was dealing with at the time.

I praised her for putting this up and admitting these emotions, because as you will see on the right hand side of the painting, there are feelings of where she would rather be and what she is working towards.

A lot of her friends didn't understand where she was coming from and said "you need to paint something more positive".  I didn't agree with this as she was being honest and instead of judgement people could have been asking if she was ok, or just thanking her for her honesty.

My friend messaged me privately and thanked me for the public comments and stated it was just something that she had to paint.  I again said to her how proud I was of her for dealing with these feelings and working towards moving away from them.

Our reaction to our friend's current emotional state is so important, whether they tell us or not :)

Know your Triggers

There has been a lot on social media about depression - whether it is people bringing it to our attention, beautiful souls taking their own lives or ways to support people.

A big thing for me is to know my triggers, what sets me off into panic, sadness, withdrawal, anger, or all of the above!

For me it varies.  It can be money worries, kids being intense, lack of support from friends, loneliness or stress.

The way I find that helps me the most is writing things down as well as talking it out with my "go to" people.  I have my hubby, my mum, my life coach and a few key friends.  All of which are amazing and can give me very different perspectives.

When you "suffer" from depression you learn who your true friends are and who you can turn to.  It is wise to get a few of them because people generally lead busy lives and can't always stop everything to support me.

I have a gratitude journal beside my bed which I try to write in every night.  On days where I am having trouble thinking of what to be grateful for I know that is a trigger.  So I make sure I write something, even if it is "just" - my health, my life and my tribe.  All of which I am truly grateful for every day.

Don't know how to help?

If you don't know what else to do when a person is depressed or not themselves. Your presence means a lot, even if they don't show it at the time:

I like you just the way you are

I have a couple of friends experiencing depression and anxiety at the moment. I feel this time round I am able to help them better than before (or be more confident in doing so). "All" I needed to do for them is tell them what I like about them right now and how I wouldn't change them. It also helps to tell them why you want them in your life.

It seems so easy and it is once you take a moment and think of things about them that make you smile. It could be a characteristic or a memory - that they are clever, or cheeky, or that time they made you laugh so hard you nearly wet your pants (yes it's true and that was before kids!!). 

I have been making a conscious effort to let people know these things - a letter, text or a little gift. The thought doesn't just count, it generally means more than you realise. 

What makes you great?

I've got a task for you, it's a hard one, but so worth it!

Think of a time in your life where you were happy and/or content. Can you list 5 things that made you great in that moment? Write a list down and then for the next 5 days take one of those qualities, and live it for the day. To give you a head start I am going to tell you 5 of my qualities:

1. I'm kind

2. I'm fun

3. I'm intuitive 

4. I'm honest

5. I'm strong

Feel free to steal any or all of these! I would love you to report back if you have the courage. I hope you have a fantastic day. I plan to be kind all day ;)

9 Life Lessons by Tim Minchin

This is one of the best speeches I have read in a long time. It's very witty, funny and profound. Please have a read, or even better watch the video. 

http://www.timminchin.com/2013/09/25/occasional-address/?fb_action_ids=10151957035717743&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=other_multiline&action_object_map=%5B525588400849030%5D&action_type_map=%5B%22og.likes%22%5D&action_ref_map=%5B%5D