I remember that day vividly. The lead up to it was intense. I had a 6 month old baby girl and my mother's instinct told me my 2 and a half year old son had Autism. I was not coping and my beautiful husband and gorgeous mum convinced me to go see a Doctor.
When I spoke to the Dr she had a big chat with me and tested me on the Edinburgh scale for Post Natal Depression. We discussed my history and the fact that I have been dealing with depression most of my adult life. It varied from panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, and a general feeling of hopelessness.
None of this made sense as I was generally healthy, had great friends, and lived an awesome life. When those black dog days/weeks hit it was awful. A Doctor ten years ago taught me the breathing techniques I have mentioned on here and said she believed that I would be over the panic attacks before any anti-depressants kicked in. She was right, but unfortunately only temporarily.
Back to my current Doctor, who explained that I had a chemical imbalance where my brain had trouble regulating my moods. It still didn't sit comfortably me (I have been known as a bit of a hippy!) but I took the script and left the Dr to call my brother for his birthday.
I spoke to my bro and wished him a happy day, he picked up in my tone that something was up and convinced me to talk to him. Coincidentally (?!) my brother used to work for Pfizer, the company who patented Zoloft. We had a huge talk about it and what I was going through. He was my final saviour for convincing me to start taking it.
I started on 25mg, which was great for my body to get used to it. Then up to 50mg.
I am not one to condone pharmaceuticals but it has been a good step to take. I feel more balanced (certainly not numb) and it has given me the edge to get on with things, especially when the chips are down.
It of course isn't for everyone and this is big step for me to even write about it. I have done this to try and shake some of the stigma that is attached to anti-depressants. They are not a symbol of weakness, more of honesty and an option to get that black dog off your back. I encourage you to speak to someone, research and know you are NOT alone. Please share If you wish and thank you, as always, for reading!
Good on you for Speaking Up! I am glad it has given you some balance and support. I, too, was on antidepressants for depression, years ago ...
ReplyDelete